I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
