i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
