i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
