I'm so fucking centered right now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
