all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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