Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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