i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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