So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
