Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
