Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
