Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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