I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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