can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
