I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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