your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
