i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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