brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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