I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
