how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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