Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
