That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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