Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
