Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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