Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
