Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
