apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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