***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
