What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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