he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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