Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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