Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
