So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ambien. No doubt about it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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