I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
