Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
