Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
40s are totally the cure
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
