we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
