I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
