you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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