No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
