How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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