I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
