Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
