My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You can't special order awesome
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
