I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
