My hand turned me down
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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