Pappa wants mamma naked
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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