i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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