Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
