So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
