:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
