Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
