There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
