I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
