Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
