I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
