I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
