So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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