Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's blow job season.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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