I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
