It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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