In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
