pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
