And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
